cheers kids,

Don't you hate when you think something's one thing, and then it's not?

better yet,
Don't you hate when you think someone's something, and then they're not?


I've met a lot of people like that, and it doesn't make me happy.

I hate when people go parading around in their masks pretending to be something so wonderful, but then underneath it all, they're just fake. Totally and utterly fake.

I'd just like to take a minute and thank all of the real people in my life.
Without you, I wouldn't be as sane as I unbelievably am.


I just want people to understand that you don't have to act a certain way to be liked.

You don't have to follow the latest trends, listen to the popular music, do drugs, any of that.
People that aren't going to accept you for who you are, 
aren't people worth having as your friends.

Be yourself.
There's nothing worse than hiding yourself from everybody to become something fake and lifeless.

Everything's better in french or cursive.

Does anyone else not like the fact that they don't have cursive font on here?
Oh well I guess, haha.

Alright, so, I'm going to tell you about my day.

I wake up in the morning feeling like P-diddy.
 ahh, just kidding.
So, I woke up at six a.m., put on my clothes and went back to sleep.
woke up again at six fifty a.m., went back to sleep.
woke up and finally got out of bed at six fifty-five a.m.,
I did my hair, and also my make-up, brushed my teeth then headed out the door.


Pulled up at school, early as always. 
But it's better to go early rather than not at all, right?
I don't know.
Anyways, first period wasn't too much fun, 
my friends always get a laugh out of me in that class, 
I don't really like it a lot. There's a line between the ha-ha's and just annoying. 

Second, not to be confused with third- Science finals, 
blahhh, haha, not too hard though.

Third period.- I like this class, it's my creative writing class, 
and we're on the unit of poetry. 
Today I just read mostly in the class. I really enjoy the book I'm reading.

EARP- Couldn't focus too much on my book, I was too excited about lunch.

lunch- grrrrrrosssssssss, grilled cheese? minus the grilled, plus extra grease. 
After scarfing down some oreos, I walked to the end of the road, 
where Allison and my boyfriend, Craig picked me up. 
Sat at there house for twenty minutes and they took me back to school.

fifth- I was late but the teacher didn't notice. 
It was graded clean-up day= non stop coughing.

sixth- Finals, two essays- I didn't know much about either topics.

seventh- OAKS reading test- boring stories, almost finished though.

eighth- I actually like this class. It's called alt. ed, it's like a study hall.
I have two friends I like being around in there, Tylor and Jacob. 
Tylor just cracks jokes and farts the whole time and 
Jacob just makes me smile! (:

SCHOOL'S OUT.

It takes days to walk to Craig's, and I sprained my foot, I don't know how.
We watched some wrestling movie and cuddled on the couch, I like days like that.
You see, Craig makes my day a whole lot better.
He's the only good part of my day sometimes.
I don't know what I'm going to do when he's gone for like a week,
probably go crazy or something.
just kidding.
Had a lovely time at Craig's and went home.

Played with my boys. (the dogs.)
Max is missing, I hope he's okay.
I made something to eat and some hot cocoa, but it didn't turn out so good.
And now I'm going to go take a shower and let my brother go to bed, 
because I'm on his pc.

PS: me and Craig take the cutest pictures ever.
Especially, when they're pictures of him when he lets me write stuff on his collar bones.

have a nice day. <3

 

tcefrep.

"If I let you in, you'll just want out.
If I tell you the truth, you'd fight for a lie.
If I spilt guts, it would make a mess we can't clean up.
If you follow me, you will only get lost.
If you try to get closer, we'll only lose touch.
Yet you already know too much, and you're not going anywhere.

Tell me that you need me 'cause I love you so much.
Tell me that you love me 'cause I need you so much."

Once upon a time, I thought I knew how to find what I saw looking for.

I believed I could find perfection through the completeness 
of being perfect.

But I've come to find out the real way to find my perfection; chaos.

After years of total chaos, complete destruction,

I'm simply free,

I'm perfect.

There is wrong in my life, there is sickness, there is sadness, but through it all is perfection.

"I'm perfectly sick, perfectly sad, I'm burning from the inside and through it I'm free." 

 

Without all that I've been through, I don't know where I'd be.

I spent all this time, trying to make every little thing perfect when I didn't realize that it was right in front of me.
What I've been reaching so high for, has always been in my hands. 

I'm simply free.

 

"Everything has it's moment, and yours has finally come.
Time has brought you to me, my life has just begun."

I've never felt so special.

and I've never felt so free.

 

I don't see how you could love me,

 But I'm uncomprehendingly overjoyed that you do.

Cause the me that I used to be, is gone when I'm with you.

I don't see how you could love me,

and how you waited so, so long.

But believe me baby, I love you, 

you're my lighthouse through the fog.

Cause the me that I used to be,

she's sick and cruel and mean.

but you made me the me that I should be,

you've simply set me free.

<3

 

le défi.

le défi, the challenge.

Well, I'm sick today.

but anyways, the challenge. Yeah, I made it up.

Alright, so this is a one-month challenge to write everyday. 

Whether it be through blog, paper, or even writing on your hand.

This is day two of the challenge for me, and I hope I can keep up with it.

usually I'd come up with some clever blog about something most of you can't understand, but I might vomit in the process.

have a nice day lovelys.

ciao. 

I'm sick of waiting, I'm breaking free.

It's the year two thousand and eleven,
and I can't comprehend it if my life depended on it.

I still haven't brought up a New Years resolution for myself,

I'm slightly frightened to.

Last year, well, it wasn't the best for me.
I remember stumbling down the stairs in my dead friends apartment telling myself,
"I'm going to make this the best year of my life."

You're probably wondering why I was in my dead friends apartment. 

 Well you see, he wasn't dead just yet.

To me, he seemed more alive than ever. More accurately, 

he was more alive than anyone I knew, 

especially me.

I can't exactly remember what my New Years wish was for 2010,

but a friend of mine told me it was to be with a boy;
which I am in a relationship with now.


There are several things I remember from New Years 2010.

1. I had my first New Years kiss with a boy that didn't know who I was.

2. I promised my dead friend that I would stop hurting myself.

3. I stained my peta2 shirt with red jell-o (haha).

4. I fell down the stairs, feet first.

5. I stayed up all night telling a stranger my life story.

6. I met the sunrise of 2010, then closed my eyes.

7. I kept saying it was going to be the best year of my life.

8. I was wrong.

I remember more, like watching the terminator,
and having staring contests with Rasputian (Josh's Fish).

But it's all a bit irrelevant to my beginning point.

"at times the most irrelevant, is the most comprehensible."

What my voice is trying to tell my fingers, to tell the keyboard, to tell you, is that something inside of me blames my glowing remarks from new years about how good everything is going to be, for how inevitably terrible it turned out to be.

Don't get me wrong, there was some good in the year of 2010.

1. New years.

2. My time in Arizona. (mid year.)

3. Receiving my dog Julio Jose Quervez Ponchito Enrique Eglasies.

4. Martin Handcart Trek, 2010.

5. The AP tour/ Bring me the horizon concert.

6. That time at the mall with Ashton when we made a build-a-bear 

and took that picture.

7. Thinking there was hope for us, and that this time it was real.

8. Finally realizing how I feel for Craig Webb.

&every time I can be with him.

9. Getting closure to a long time running hand hold.

10. Every day before Feb. 11th.

But believe me stranger, there was some bad,

1. Josh Berry left us. Feb. 11th.

2. Feb. 8th, I left Glendale.

3. March 3rd, Josh's 20th birthday.

4. haunted.

5. The murder of Savannah Albertson.

6. The car wreck on the way to Warped Tour.

7. My kitten dying.

8. Having to leave Arizona.

9. The anniversary of Ry.

10. The time I messed up.

11. The day Julio got sick.

12. The day Julio Died.

13. The times I was alone.

14. You letting go.

15. Me holding on.

I can go on, but I don't want to bring myself down.

"And then she tied the anchor, 

to her hands, to her waist."

-If you need conformation of my tragedies, I'll show you later on.

I'm frightened of this year.
I can't say I have nothing to lose, because I do have something to.
I have everything to lose.

I guess the only way to ease the ache is to expect it, and I do.


I'm ready for 2011, and I'm ready to lose everything.


But I promise you this, 
I will fight with every once, every fiber, 
every piece of my body- to get it back.

"sometimes, it's better to be lost; rather than find yourself somewhere you don't want to be."

to let go- is to stay gone.

 

Show me how to let go, teach me how to be free.

hear me.

This is a poem I wrote.
It's from a dream I've had; over, and over, and over again.

 calls.
She sits, she's waiting.
For his call, but he's not calling.


She sits, she's hoping.
For his voice, but he's not talking.


She sits, she's thinking.
Happy thoughts, but it's not working.


She sits, she's crying.
It hurts so bad, she feels like dying.


She sits, she's thinking.
What to do, to cease her breathing.


She sits, she's cutting.
Deep in her veins, she feels the burning.


She sits, she's bleeding.
Seconds away, shallow breathing.


She sits, she's fading.
From a word, that she's been hating.


She sits, she's dying.
She's left a life, that's left her crying.


He sits, he calls.
For a girl, but she's not breathing.


He sits, he's hoping.
For her voice, but she's not talking.

I'm still waiting for your call.

criss-cross, I promise.

Though you push me away at times,

I'll always come running back; that moment you open your arms.

The minute he said goodbye,
I opened my mouth to say hello.

"and into her arms, she ran, and she felt like home."

I didn't want to hang up, but I know she'll never truly let me go.

"best friends, means forever."

I believe in time, all things are made right.

I believe in h a p p i n e s s <3



lovely and content, you'll always be my beautiful sunrise.


always,
-yours.

"though we all have our demons; we drip together."

xo.